I can already hear the cabin crew team clogging as they usher in passengers to the sound of some Irish trad while handing out tasty Tayto crisps along with some racial profiling questionnaires.
Do you eat zebra for breakfast? goes the first question.
Are you brown because it’s often sunny in Port Elizabeth? the second question probes unashamedly.
Is Cape Town cool in November? Please specify the correct temperature in Fahrenheit. (Or is it Celsius? )
Is it true that most of yiz have shark cake on your birthday? Please tick the appropriate box.
Congratulations! You’ve passed the test. Hang on. We only accept virgins aboard this flight. It’s a religious thing, you know. So we’ll have to cavity-search you, I’m afraid.
But I’m a man! protests the male passenger – Just turn around, you eejit!
Should Irish travelers demonstrate their proficiency at the Celtic harp when entering Botswana? the Artful Translator wonders uneasily.